I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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