it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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