We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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