My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
