How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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