He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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