I'm going to jail i love you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
