i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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