I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
