hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
