his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
