Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
