So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
