you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
