I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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