i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
bring money and cleavage
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
