"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
