ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
