"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
