I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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