Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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