Life is so much better after having sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
