No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
