I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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