Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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