i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
