3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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