She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize