are you still at the devil's house?
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
