i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
