I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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