my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
