I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
