Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
