The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
