I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
