remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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