cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
