i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
