I wish my penis had an off switch
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
