i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
