Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
