Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize