maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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