found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
