I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
