i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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