you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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