He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
