I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When are your genitals available?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
