Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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