I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
