Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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