Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
