I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
