Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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