There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it penis luge time yet?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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