Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
