also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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