My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
