Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
