Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
