I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
