It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
