did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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