eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize