Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
