Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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