I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When did we convert life to cartoon?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize