you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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