i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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