Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
