Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
