So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
