We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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