The maid of honor just puked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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