If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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