everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
